The Book I Wrote in the Dark

SUMMARY: Treasures of Darkness is a faith memoir and devotional about finding God in the seasons you didn't choose. Here's the story behind the book, and who it's for.

I didn't set out to write a book. I set out to survive a season I never would have chosen—and somewhere on the far side of a divorce and a broken engagement, I realized I had been taking notes the whole time. Treasures of Darkness is what came of it.

It's built on a single promise, from Isaiah 45:3: that God hides treasures in the dark. Not on the other side of it. In it. Which means the season you may be begging to end could be the very place He's hidden something for you. This book is part memoir and part devotional, written for the woman who is quietly falling apart while everyone assumes she's fine. My deepest hope is that you finish it feeling seen—and pointed toward the God who has been in the dark with you the whole time.

What's Inside Treasures of Darkness

Treasures of Darkness isn't a book about tying suffering into a neat little bow. I won't tell you that everything happens for a reason or rush you toward a lesson before you've had a chance to grieve what happened. I wrote this book because I've lived through seasons when those kinds of answers weren't enough for me either.

Instead, these pages hold the questions I actually wrestled with in the dark. What do you do when you've prayed and nothing changes? How do you trust God when you're disappointed in what He allowed? What happens when you did your best and it still fell apart? How do you keep believing you're loved by God when your life looks nothing like the one you prayed for? I don't approach those questions as someone who has mastered suffering. I approach them as someone who has asked them.

Throughout the book, I share pieces of my own story alongside Scripture, reflection, and the truths God began showing me in places I once wanted nothing more than to escape. We talk about trust, disappointment, gratitude, forgiveness, the stories we tell ourselves about God when He doesn't do what we hoped He would do, and the difference between simply surviving the fire and allowing it to refine us.

And, of course, we talk about treasure.

Because somewhere along the way, I stopped asking only, How do I get out of this? and started asking a different question: God, what is here that I couldn't have found anywhere else?

That question changed everything.

Who This Book Is For

Maybe you're grieving something that technically ended a long time ago but still hurts. Maybe you're in a waiting season that has lasted much longer than you expected. Maybe you're watching the life you planned unfold very differently from the life you're actually living. Maybe you've experienced heartbreak, loss, disappointment, rejection, an unanswered prayer, or an ending you still don't completely understand.

Or maybe nothing is visibly falling apart at all. You go to work. You answer texts. You show up for the people you love. You laugh. You worship. You keep functioning. If someone asks how you're doing, you probably say you're fine—but you know there's a quieter story underneath that answer.

This book is for her, too. It's for the woman who still loves God but has questions for Him. The woman who believes He is good but is struggling to understand what He has allowed. The woman who doesn't necessarily need someone to convince her to have more faith; she needs permission to be honest about what faith feels like when the story gets hard.

I wrote Treasures of Darkness because I believe God can handle that kind of honesty.

You Don't Have to Wait for the Darkness to Make Sense

One of the biggest things I've learned is that we often look for treasure retrospectively. We survive something difficult, get far enough away from it, and eventually say, Oh. Now I understand what God was doing. And sometimes that happens.

But Isaiah 45:3 gave me another way of seeing dark seasons. God says He will give us "treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places." The treasure isn't necessarily waiting in some future chapter when everything finally makes sense. There are things to discover about God—and sometimes about ourselves—that can only be uncovered while we're still walking through places we would never have chosen.

That doesn't make the darkness good. It means the darkness doesn't get to be empty.

There can be grief here and treasure here. Disappointment and revelation. Questions and faith. You can wish the story had gone differently and still discover something sacred inside the story you actually received. That is the invitation behind Treasures of Darkness: not to pretend the dark doesn't hurt, not to call something good that wasn't, and not to rush toward redemption because sitting with grief makes other people uncomfortable.

But to become willing, somewhere in the middle of it all, to ask: God, if there is treasure here, help me see it.

If You're in the Dark Right Now, Start Here

You don't need to understand your whole season today. You don't need to know how the story ends. You don't even need to feel particularly strong. You just need somewhere to put your feet.

That's why I created a free 7-day devotional as an introduction to the heart behind Treasures of Darkness. For seven days, we'll sit with some of the truths that carried me through my own dark seasons and begin looking differently at the places in our stories we wish we could rewrite. Consider it a small place to begin.

Because if you're standing in the dark right now, I can't promise you when morning will come. But I can tell you this: The dark is not evidence that God has left you.

And there may be treasure here yet.